My First Road Trip

I set off around 10:00 in the morning. My original goal was to be out by nine..and I was, but I had to go to the bank, buy contact stuff and since they didn't have any contact stuff at K-mart I had to go the the Giant Eagle. But that actually turned out okay because then I ran into Meghan at the store and was able to talk to her on my way out. I was very excited to have my adaptor for the car for my ipod so I listened to much Indigo Girls and a bit of Coldplay (5 CD's, 2 CD's respectively) and most of the other songs I skipped through. Had I time before I left I would have customized the music on my ipod so I wouldn't skip songs, but I dinna have time so oh well! And even though I was having a good time grooving to the music after about 4 hours of driving I was ready to be there already. When I arrived in town, I stopped at the IGA parking lot and called a couple of people and then headed to Laurel's. I arrived just as the Veggitales movie was ending. I'm glad I left in the morning cause shortly after this when everyone was starting to arrive I felt pretty icky because of the cold I was coming down with. Luckily the Pizza Shack pizza we had tasted every bit as good as I remember it and my tastebuds weren't all messed up because of the cold. Then, shortly after we went downstairs I went out to the car and got presents. Bethie and Julie got cashew brittle, Erik his movie, and Daff Laurel and Ananda their pillow-blankets. It was so good to see everyone though I wish I had more time to spend with everyone. We watched A Christmas Toy which at my house we call Rugby Tiger and we had a good time making fun of all the Kraft commercials in between hehe. I was suprised as to how much of it I remembered and even though I probably thought it was better when I was younger I still love it!! Then I stayed over at Laur's house. She had to go to Jodi's the next day so we had to go to bed kind of early, (and by early I mean comparitively to how late we'd usually stay up) but we still managed to get quite a bit of talking in, and I'm glad. I had breakfast over there and then went to Eckerds to pick up throat lozengers and then I put gas in the car. After that I tried to visit Sandy but she wasn't home (I found out later that she was just getting into the shower and actually saw my car drive away but had no clue whos it was.) So then I called Katie and she was back from the dentist appointment where she found out she has to have a 5th wisdom tooth out. *sad face* So I went over to her house. We like being lazy haha but we had a nice talk while we were being lazy. And I got presents from her too!! I got a key which I like wearing around my neck, and a journal and then she's letting me borrow a book too. :) We had taco salad (with imitation meat of coarse) for dinner and it was good. I suprised myself by actually liking the lettuce despite it not being iceburg lettuce and the rest of it was good too. I just need to hang around them enough and maybe I'll be able to become a vegetarian too! I will have to work on liking more things though cause I don't like enough vegitables or fruits, and some I'll never be able to like, but I've started liking cooked broccoli whereas I never did before so go me! And I know I said acquiring tastes was a stupid thing to do especially when it comes to alcohol and maybe it is...but yay for healthy veggibles. *smiles* Anywaaaayyys.... then Ananda and Katie and I went to Jitters. I forgot Lisa's chai *blushes* but that's what I had. Although *laughs* I tried to steal everyone elses first. ooopsies. I wish there'd been someone there to take a picture of all of us, I did take one of Ananda and Daff. I wore my new shirt that I very much like. And even put on make-up *gaspo* I just felt like it. :) Then I went in to see Ananda's house and we planned a scrabble game for the next day (thursday; I had learned by now that the weather would actually be better for me to come home on friday..yayyy!) When Daff and I got back from there, we looked at her new Amy Brown book. Twas fun even if some of the pictures do freak me out. hehe. She does have an incredible way of displaying motion. ayeish. We talked again...ofcoarse. ;) (I found out she's never seen Bed of Roses, so that's on our list of things to do when we get together again) And then fell asleep. I had a really good english muffin for breakfast and for lunch we went to the Indian restaraunt in Rochester. The food was a bit spicy, but I still liked it and rice and bread are always a good thing. I like trying new things. Daff's favorite thing to finish the meal with was something I couldn't even hardly handle a spoonful of. I think it reminded me too much of a yogart. *shrugs* but it was fun!! On the way back I was tired, it was afternoon droopy time ya know. ;) But managed to find enough energy to drive to Ananda's to play scrabble before our Great Northern gathering. Wish Erik'd been able to come but he'd already made plans. And besides it would have taken away half the fun. I followed Laur, but missed my turn. I knew when i saw it that I'd missed it and wanted to turn around but I didn't want her to worry. And when we got to 256 I knew it was union street, but couldn't tell her so she took me all the way into Chili. Thanks Laur! See, I wanted to go see the neighbors while everyone else was going to the dollar movies in Henrietta. So I had a good time suprising them all. I found out a girl who used to babysit me is engaged her brother had twins and Sandy's son bought a house two doors down. Samantha's old house, next to the Putnam's. I didn't have a chance to visit them but I did see the Flanagan's and Mike's new house, and the Stanes and then the Coccia's. I miss the Coccia's what a great family!! *hugs* I miss my second mommy! :) I had a great trip. I left the next afternoon after having breakfast (again an English muffin...why ruin a good thing?) playing Labrynth, and having lunch. We took a couple of pics too before I headed out. I have to stop not looking people in the eye, or even in the face. I'm getting better at it, but I still look at the ground or off to the side after I hug everyone..and I don't know why. Maybe I've always felt like I was imposing or invading someone's personal space? Movies convey so much in a look maybe I never felt like I should..or could..but I'm sure it must be disconcerting for everyone else. Sorry it's not that I don't want to look at you it's just...I dunno what. I made it back here successfully and listened to a new Indigo Girls song I'm obsessed with about 20 times. And listened to What If I Told You, about the same amount. WIITY I listened to as I was heading out and the IG song I listened to a lot as I was just about home. I called Erik, he didn't have much time to talk, and KitKat she wasn't there, on the way home. I thought about calling Daff too, but I figured I'd just left and she should have been working on her stuff, but I did call to let her know I got home okay. I can't believe I forgot my away message last night. My default one is the first one I ever made after my computer got fixed which was, "sooo happy to be back in the world of internetdom." which doesn't mean I was happy to be able to be home with a computer, because trust me I'd rather still be in NY. And yes I do realize I left out the rest of Thursday night, but sometimes the best things are best remembered and not written. So it was a successful trip and I'm more confidant in my driving and can't wait to do it again. Or maybe one of them will get a car and or get brave and come visit me. I didn't wanna come home; Rochester still feels like home; it's hard being so far apart.

I don't know if anyone is going to be coming over tonight. it might just be my mom dad and I. Lisa is going into Pittsburgh with some friends and those we invited are going somewhere else or are out of town. I was invited to spend it with Terri and Kate (they and Marilyn and Sarah are going over to Carrie's) but I can't in case people do show up..plus I'd like to be home with this cold cause if I feel icky I can go to sleep. I wanted to though...it'd be fun. Kate called me a stinker and Terri called me a fuffy-duddy :P hehe. They're great!

But I think that's enough for today...don't you?

Roch-cha-cha

It seems like I'm the only one who hasn't updated about Christmas stuff...and I can't tonight either I'm taking a trip to Rochester...I got fun new clothes today though that I'm planning on wearing while I'm there aaaaaand I got an ipod and bought an adapter so that it will play your music through a radio station hence through the speakers of your car. Mom got them for Lisa and I using her Christmas bonus which came as quite a shock to all of us. (Not that she used it on us, that only shocked me and made me feel kinda bad, but that she got one bigger than my dad has in his whole life. woooow, I mean it wasn't HUUUGE but still. MUUUCH more to say but can't gotta go finish packing for my trip and get a good nights sleep. And no promises until at the earliest Thursday because that's when I get back from NY. It's not that my friends don't have computers..and they prolly wouldn't even mind letting me borrow them for a bit..but I'm going to be having too much fun with them to have time. 'least that's the plan. ;) Peace out peeps!

While You Were Sleeping...

No, I didn't see the movie or anything. And nothing remotely close to what happened in the movie happened to me or anyone else that I know. However, it made a good introductory title for a post that's going to be what I think about while I'm asleep. (There'll be other random thoughts in there too I suppose and maybe some updatage.)

The dreamworld is a strange place. Especially when it's my dream world. I never EVER used to dream about people I knew, that I remembered, but lately I've been remembering a lot of my dreams and they have people in it that I know. I realized though that most of them are really frustrating or sad or something. Meh, but in case anyone is remotely interested here are the latest ones that I remember. And they are all a bit fuzzy whether I make it seem like it or not.

1: The first one I can remember, I'm on a college campus. And if I'm not mistaken it starts off being my college campus, even though it looks nothing like IUP, but by the end I think it morphs into someone elses. Anyways, we're walking along the main street of the old town which reminds me of a worn down Vegas (not that I've seen Vegas to know what it looks like) and I happen to spot a sign that says the Indigo Girls will be performing. The next thing I remember my mom and sister are with me, but where we are in the auditorium we're like on the side of the stage and I don't think I'm going to be able to see them very well, so I go to someplace where I think I can see them better, but suddenly my Aunt Suzie is there and she seems upset? But before I even see the Indigo Girls I see my Aunt Terri leaving. And I want to make sure I can catch up and say goodbye to her but then my Aunt Suzie catches up with me and she is trying to talk to me and straighten some things out and getting in my way of saying good-bye to Terri. So I'm getting upset because of that and because I am afraid that I am going to miss most of the concert. And that's all I really remember.

2: I made the trip to Rochester and I can't really remember anything except trying to get in touch with people and I think I find some people, but I don't have a clear recollection of that part, I just remember looking for Daff, but not beving able to find her and when I'd find out where she was or where she was headed to when I got there she'd just have left. Frustrating

3: I don't know whether I had another dream where this happened or if I just knew it when I was dreaming but something of my roomates (she wasn't my current roomate or Daisy) dissapeared because I got distracted. John, who's in church choir and CSA with me, was the one who distracted me and I was a little buit suspicious of him because then all I remember is a hill with a car at the top of it, it's winter and there's snow on the ground, and my roomates computer is in boxes tied to the outside of the car. I don't want to leave it for fear of what will happen to it. John starts calling my name but I ignore him because I know if I talk to him then I will get distracted and the computer could possibly disapear and i don't want her to be mad at me. So I ignore him calling my name. But then he plays a song, a song that makes me miss him and want to see him. So I go in search of him down the hill and wouldn't you know it? the computer disapears. So I get really upset sure that he's guilty so I go to my grandmother's house. It's now summer and Uncle Glenn is there when I go to the house. But the person morphs. The one who was John now becomes chris, my cousin. and I say, "I think we need to talk. Don't youuu Chris." in a very nasty tone. and Glenn says if it has to do with the stolen game (it's a game now) and everything well it happened..and they proceed to try and convince me that they needed to do it and that it would be replaced. And then he morphs for the second time and turns into Erik. and I start yelling at him saying, "Why'd you do that? Do you realize how it makes me look! and you you played our song and made me miss you and then you go and betray me!" and I run off crying. and I wake up with wet eyes. I'd been crying in my dream.

Okay...can anyone say strange?? My dreams make NO freakin' sense whatsoever. A twice morphing character?? Who knows...anyone who wants to analyze my dreams feel free hehe.

Tonight was decorate the Christmas Tree night and White Christmas night. Decorating the tree was weird because this year we aren't using tinsle because of Skittles. White Christmas was wonderful as usual. Such a good movie...mmmm.

Grades came out, I got a B in Chem yayyyy a B in English, which was expected. A C in French which was suprising I expected to do worse..and *cough* we're not going to talk about my nutrition and wellness class. Other than that, I'm pretty pleased with the way things went considering everything that happened this past semester.

I got Harry Potter books 3-5 from my roomate in Florida, Jacqueline and it's very exciting. yay for HP!

And that's it.

Nuthin better than a cat on your lap

Skittles is sitting on my lap...and it is so wonderful!! She's making it difficult to type, but it feels wonderful. I am definately an animal person, I always pictured myself a dog person, and I still think I am but I'm quite content here with her.

I've been watching the discovery channel. First they were doing stuff on the tsunami of 2004 trying to find it's origins, and when they found the evidence what it could mean for the Northwestern United States. And now I'm watching stuff about volcanoes and Mt. St. Helens...so much life can be gone in the blink of an eye. Do we even have any idea how lucky we are to be alive? that this earth could have formed life in the first place and to have kept it this long. Ofcoarse, geologically speaking we humans have been living a small speck of time. Even if you just comapare our existance to that of the other animals that had been alive prior to our existance it's fleeting. But they perished quickly most times. And life anyway is so short and so unknown and so fleeting. Say what you know and learn what you can. Plan for tomorrow, but live for today. And every day try to impact someone. Those are some of my goals...and they have been for a while, but tonights programs ?affirmented? them. And I'm also fascinated...I guess that's why I'm a geology major. I think I really would like to do field work of some sort. As hard as it would be and as tedious at times, I would still feel like I was part of something important. *shrugs* that's really all I have to say. Nothing much for such a long entry I know, but deal with it :P

oh and for the first time in my life I want you to hope for no snow. (between Christmas and New Year's, I would like to take a drive up to Rochester if my parents let me and the weather is good. Keep your fingers croseed for me!!)

A Drunk Liz?

hahahaha I was just rereading my journal entry from earlier today and I realized that I forgot the "e" on "There's" so it looks almost drunkenish. heehee. And this is funny because now that it's not really breaking the rules for me to be drunk sometimes I really would like to be. Several people have told me, they'd love to see me drunk, but sometimes that feels more like an insult. I'm not good enough the way I am? But I know they didn't, atleast, I hope they didn't, mean it like that. I would never want to be not in control of my actions though, or puke my guts out, or have memory loss the next day. Otherwise..what would be the fun? you wouldn't even remember!! So maybe I'd rather just be tipsy, even just to know what it feels like. *shrugs* But that presents its own problem in that I wouldn't want to drink by myself and I'd have to find people I trusted enough...but this was much more in depth than I'd originally intended. Maybe it's because I'm trying to put off this Geology I'm trying to study over break. In order to finish the book by the end of break I need to do 22 pages a day. Ack! And yes I do realize it's break...but it's Geology and plus I didn't read it the first time around like I was supposed to *blushes* so I think maybe it's time especially since I am taking the sequential class in the spring.

Ther's No Place Like Home (for the holidays)

I am so glad that this semester is over and that I don't really have to think about it any more if I don't want to. I know I have to, but I don't even want to see my grades, I know they're bad and I just want to continue through college not thinking about this semester. I'm so glad to be home for a month!! It has been some time that I have spent time with the family since I only had a week from coming back from Florida to going to school. I didn't want to admitt it in October, when I was having blood tests done for everything that could make you tired. I was tired alllll the time. But I know what it came from, atleast I think I know...depression. Since I started coming out of it, when I went back and read past journal entries and started thinking about things I had been thinking about I wanted to cry because it was just so sad. I was sad then because of how sad I was. My self-esteem went wayyyy down (not that it's ever been really high in the first place) and I didn't care anymore. I never had suicidal thoughts, but I didn't care if I flunked out of school, I didn't find any motivation to do work and do well in school because I didn't care. I just needed people to talk to. Some of this could have been due to the constant peppiness and talking I needed to do while I was in FL but there were other things I was just simply depressed most of the time for no reason at all. I had a bunch of excuses I could give you, and yes I had a lot going on in my life at the time, but normally I would have handled it just fine. But not this semester, I needed more support than I ever have in my whole life and it was also the semester where my support wasn't at IUP. I ate by myself most of the time. And I don't blame anyone else, but me because I did stay holed in my room and was to depressed to ask anyone and I didn't want to intrude. Yet, I still felt upset I was eating by myself and that my support was so far away. My good friends were living off campus so they had no meal plans, too busy and lived too far away for daily contact, graduates, transfers, or never even went to IUP in the first place! I really truly believe that it was the birth control messing with my head. And as a friend put it, "my maternal clock kicking in." For the first time in my life I was tired I was tired of being alone. And even now I still don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I'm getting back to the point where I'm okay with me by myself. Which is a good thing, because in order to be in a relationship you can't be that needy and you can't be half a person. You'll lose yourself completely in that person and then it's not a balance. And you need balance in a relationship. So after I was depressed it became physical. Then I physically couldn't do anything because I was emotionally and mentally exhausted. I started to feel the inspiration for school coming back, but by then in my classes I was so far behing and I'd not cared for so long that I was basically lost. I couldn't get a good grade because I'd been doing so bad for so long that it only made me more frustrated. And although this was a bad, and hard, semester there were a long of good things that came out of it that I cannot disreguard. First and foremost, I spent a lot of time on figureing out who I was and wanted to be. And I definately don't have that all complete I doubt I ever will, and even if I did figure it out, I'm sure something would change that would make me change my mind. But I'm well on my way to being a more open-minded accepting person, and jealousy is something I'm having an easier time controlling. I yearn to be someone's first, at the top of someone's list, yet if someone asked me who was first on my list...I wouldn't have an answer, and I decided even if I was dating I wouldn't have an answer. The best answer I could give would be, "the one who needs me most right now." But that's getting off on a tangent... Another good thing about this semester was that because I was in such need of support I got connected with people I'd lost contact with more than I should have. And it's wonderful to be able to talk to all of them again. I also have recently made a new friend :) Because of the situation one would think that it would be awkward, but that's the best part about it, it isn't. It's the exact opposite of awkward and that make me very happy. And lastly, as most of you know, I'm taking the RA class in the spring. I feel like if I see a depressed person I might be able to recognize it, and help out...or atleast connect with them and understand. I never knew depression could be so ugly. I never knew how much life it could take out of a person. I'm still not quite me yet. And because of all the changes I won't be the same me ever again (but that's a good thing cause the old me was too close-minded and too passive), but I mean I'm still somewhat depressed I think. But after this break, after time with the family (I was a chatterbox all the way home with my dad and when I got home to both my parents heehee), with a fresh start next semester, I think I'm gonna be okay. I will survive. *starts getting up holds a pen up for a microphone and starts to sing and dance and collapses back down laughing* okay, I'm done now. :) No, not only am I done making a fool of myself..I'm done with this post.

Avatars

I should have been studying for French but creating these guys was much more fun!

On the left: an attempt at ....................On the right: That's BJ
doing me. :) wahhoo for snow ................ (Benjamin James) Harris
and puppy dogs named ..........................That's me too, only in male
Cassiopeia (Cassie, and form....................form. Muscovite (the wolf)
sometimes Cassio for short.) ....................runs wild and free, but when
Isn't she cute? Aren't we ........................BJ calls him he will usually
BOTH cute? ;) ......................................... come around






And yes I do realize that BJ and the wolf would probably never develope any kind of close friendship, but shut up it's my fantasy leave me alone :P

bandwagonning- (like my made up verb?)

I would like to say although I have setbacks, that usually occur on weekends, I'm feeling better and I'm happier. Whether I'm happier because I'm feeling better...or whether I'm feeling better because I'm happier I haven't quite figured out. In any case here I go jumping on the bandwagon (I've seen this in at least 8 diff places, it's my turn now!)

47 Things You May Not Have Known About Me:

1. What is your middle name? shhh it's a secret!

2. What color underwear are you wearing now? marroon

3. What are you listening to right now? A radio station broadcast out of my hometown in Rochester NY (the mix 100.5)

4. What are the last 2 digits in your phone number? 09 and 59

5. What was the last thing you ate? eggs with cheese, bacon, potatoes, and skim milk mmmmm for caf food

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? jungle or seafoam green

7. How is the weather right now? sunny, but cold, however I wish it was snowing!

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Can't remember either Erik mom or Meghan

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? their hair

10. Favorite type of Food? Anything plain. I'm a plain plain jane. (ex: No salad dressing!!)

11. Do you drink? Every single day, if I didn't my throat would be very dry. ;) Alcoholic beverages? not often, and never at school but I could prolly be persuaded.

12. Do you smoke? *cough* *cough* *choke* *choke* ummm no

13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember what you did? Never even been drunk period.

14. Hair color? brown

15. Eye color? Outer ring of blue, mainly green, with some yellow thrown in (hazel)

16. Do you wear contacts? Blind as a bad without 'em. (-5.75 and -5.25 perscription)

17. Favorite Holiday? Thanksgiving

18. Favorite Month? October- perfect hikking weather and BEAUUUTIFUL

19. Have you ever cried for no reason? who hasn't?

20. What was the last movie you watched? Bed of Roses

21. Favorite Day of the Year? Changes every year.

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Probably, but I'm working on changing that. Honesty, after all, is the best policy

23.If you could say something to someone right now what would it be? jump over the side with me?

24. Hugs or Kisses? kisses; I don't like white chocolate.

25. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla

26. Do you want your friends to respond? sure, why not? If they're not too busy studying for finals or something more productive than me..haha

27. Who is most likely to respond? uuumm ?????

28. Who is least likely to respond? um, people who've filled it out already!

29. What book are you reading? uuum I just finished Pomosexuals: challenging assumptions about gender and sexuality, I'm currently reading The Education of Little Tree, and I have planned to read A Home at the End of the World.

30. Piercing? ears for my 10th birthday til painfully got infected, never again.

31. Favorite Movie? There are too many movies out there to say

32. Favorite baseball Team? Don't have one.

33.What were you doing before this? laying down, my head hurts. :(

34. Any pets? Skittles-our adorable but troublemaker kitty cat :)

35. AIM? takes up too much of my time.

36. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? plainish

37. Dogs or cats? dogs, although I wouldn't trade Skittles for the world I really am a dog person.

38. Favorite Flower? Zinnias- ofcoarse...it's my name!! :)

39.Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? yeah

40.Have you ever loved someone? yep, but I don't think I've been IN love

41 What's your sign? on the cusp of scorpio and libra

42. Are you still friends with your ex's? yep

43. Have you ever fired a gun? nope

44. Do you like to travel by plane? I flew 5 times this year. :)

45. Right-handed or Left-handed? right

46. How many pillows do you sleep with? two..one under my head, and one between the legs and ofcoarse I sleep with bunny still too :)

47. Do you have a Tattoo? no, but if I can brave the pain..haha yeah right, I'd like one, a feather maybe, or a tree or something naturely. :)

I wanna cry in your arms

I am lonely today
People are everywhere but not here
I am thinking of you
you are so far from me
Are you close enough for me to believe?

I wanna cry in your arms
I want to feel your hands through my hair
How delightful it would be
To feel your lips caressing my forehead
and hearing you say I kin ye
understanding and loving
How delightful it would be
to cry in your loving arms

I can feel it coming
the lump in my throat that just won't go away
It could start by the simplest thing
a scene from a book
a line from a movie
each one tugging at my very being.

I wanna cry in your arms
I want to feel your hands through my hair
How delightful it would be
To feel your lips caressing my forehead
and hearing you say I kin ye
understanding and loving
How delightful it would be
to cry in your loving arms

I can't let it start here
Breakingdown without you will make it worse
I think of your comfort
I think of your kind words
Missing you isn't changing things but I

I wanna cry in your arms
I want to feel your hands through my hair
How delightful it would be
To feel your lips caressing my forehead
and hearing you say I kin ye
understanding and loving
How delightful it would be
to cry in your loving arms

I wanna cry in your arms
How delightful it would be
to cry in your loving arms
I wanna cry in your loving arms




I Wanna Cry in Your Arms by Elizabeth R. Herring

OK, I know I shouldn't be doing this...

Yeah, like the title says I shouldn't be updating this I should be getting ready for Chem lab and showering and putting on pjs for the Tree lighting ceremony aaaand aaaand stuff buut.....

A girl asked a boy if she was pretty. He said no.
Then she asked him if he liked her. He said no.
She asked him if he wanted to be with her forever. He said no.
She then asked him if he would cry if she walked away. He again said no.
She had heard too much. She needed to leave.
As she walked away, he grabbed her arm and told her to stay.
He said "You're not pretty, you're beautiful. I don't like you, I love you.
I don't want to be with you forever, I need to be with you forever, and I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would die."

....I am curious, am I the ONLY one in this world who's disturbed by this?! I mean, ayeish, she couldn't have been dating the guy, and already he grabs her arm says he needs her and that he'd die without her. I think if someone said that to me even if we HAD been dating, even if it was for a while, "the hairs on the back of my neck would stand up." *shivers* It reeeally does make me nervous, it's like, I dunno, but it gives me goosebumps! Does this make anyone else feel jittery??? I really would like to know.

For some reason I can't seem to get this song out of my head.... ;)

Ooh you make me live
Whatever this world can give to me
It's you you're all I see
Ooo you make me live now honey
Ooo you make me live

Ooh you're the best friend that I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine and I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
Oh you're my best friend

Ooo you make me live

Ooh I've been wandering round
But I still come back to you
In rain or shine
You've stood by me, girl
I'm happy at home
You're my best friend

Ooo you make me live
Whenever this world is cruel to me
I got you to help me forgive
Ooo you make me live now honey
Ooo you make me live

You're the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely
You're my only one
And I love the things
I really love the things that you do
You're my best friend

Ooo you make me live

I'm happy at home
You're my best friend
Oh
Oh you're my best friend
Ooo you make me live
You you're my best friend

Deck of Cards

(Again I apologize to my readers, I don't mean to be so down, but I can't help it..I'm scared and I don't know what to do. I might have to withdrawl from some classes this semester and I'm sooo close to finishing. I'm so confused, and being worried won't help me get better, I know. But it's hard to remain positive when I know the way I am is not me. I want to scream at them THIS IS NOT HOW I NORMALLY AM I CAN'T HELP THAT I WANT TO FALL ASLEEP ALL HOURS OF THE DAY AND THE AMOUNT OF SLEEP I GET IS NEVER ENOUGH. And I hate that the person my professors see is not someone to be proud of, like I'm used to. *sighs* again, I'm sorry.)

I seem to like the number of cards in a normal deck. Unfortunately, I like them for test scores. Chem and French. What's wrong with me? And it's so frustrating because I know if I felt like me, if I felt normal, I could handle this. And now I'm failing and I feel like I'm letting EVERYONE down. DAMNIT! Unfortunately, swearing and crying don't solve these problems, trust me, I know, I've tried both.