What'd'ya Say in a Moment Like This?

I don't even know what to say...
It's not because a tramatic event happened or anything...so don't worry... I just can't find the words to put here. I've been avoiding it because of time constraints, but also because I'm not sure how many people read this, and some things I just need to keep off a public site. I guess I'll do it in sections...

Musical Update: I bought Antigone Rising's CD and I absolutely loooove it. I'm still listening to a lot of Reba, Coldplay, Indigo Girls, and John Denver. =) Good stuff. I want to show music to people, there's something I love about doing that so let me know if any of you want to get together just to share good music.

Emotions Update:
I'm sooo soo much more like myself this semester, so much happier, in fact people who only knew me from the start of this year think I have changed a lot, what they don't realize is this is more like the normal me. A lot of the issues that I was dealing with last semester are there, but they aren't so insurmountable this time. Now I just have to deal with my new and upcoming and reoccuring issues like my affection for forbidden fruit.

Love/Potential Love Update:
As I mentioned I seem to like those I can't have... communication problems, not interested in me, not interested in women, too far away, involved with someone else, not the type of person I'm looking for, or too far gone. Valentine's Day will once again be a holiday where I spread the love to friends and family with no prospective "Valentine" in site. I like Valentine's Day for telling family members and friends I love them, but the rest of it makes me kind of depressed.

Organizations Update:
I went to my very first Pride meeting this week on Tuesday. It was... okay. The people there are much more comfortable than I am, not only with their individual sexualities, be it hetero, homo, or anywhere in between, but with sexual things in general. They also are planning on having parties and they're going to be off campus so they can drink alcohol. They're gonna be unofficial "meetings." I don't like this idea, it's not my idea of fun. Everyone wants to be less proactive and have it be more of a social gathering. My problem with this is, it's so much harder to blend in that way, and especially at this point when that's kind of what I would like to do. All of the leaders seem extremely nice though, but my stomach was in knots the whole time I was there. In some ways it felt really nice to be around people that were in homosexual relationships, it made me smile, and it wasn't them that made me feel uncomfortable it was the...?atmosphere? of it all. I'll have to see if I can continually attend. I joined ECO (Environmentally Conscious Organization) this semester, their first meeting was just before my first Pride meeting, a day of firsts I guess!! I've only been to one meeting so far, but it's fun we're planning a huge Earth Fest for the campus sometime in April, I forget exactly when. The people in it seem so nice and the president of ECO is also the one who is helping with ASB. Which is Alternative Spring Break, which I'm going to go to this year. We're going to Tennessee to build hikking trails, and I am SUPERPSYCHED! I have an informational meeting about that on Wednesday, which means I am going to have to miss my RHC meeting. Which, by the way is going very well this semester. We've got a lot of things planned and because the president is feeling better more things are getting done. But I must say since I've already established myself as a not so very good president and a layed back one, it's making it a little bit rough to get back into the game, but that's okay. Besides RHC on Wednesdays I have Geoscience Club as well. But I was scratching my head this past week because although I went to the room at the normal time of the meeting there was no one there. I could have sworn this club met weekly...*shrugs* I guess I'll have to e-mail Ryan, the one in charge. Thursdays and Fridays are the days I look forward to most. Fridays especially, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Thursdays I have CSA (Catholic Student Association) and Candlelight mass. This week was particularly awesome because I have a huge montorage pick me up from Wallace and walk me over to St. Thomas More this week. Devon, Daisy, Elizabeth, and Diana all came to walk me over, and it was also awesome because Sunflower showed up too!! CSA is not my favorite part of the night, I find myself cringing a lot at the conservativeness of it all, but I do still enjoy myself there. My favorite part is Candlelight mass..it could possibly have something to do with the fact that there is beautiful singing going on, but I wouldn't really know..haha. I really have begun to love Catholic mass. More so than ever before even though I'm the least catholic I've ever been in my life right now. But, I'm the most in love with God I've ever been right now, and it's not because things are going well for me, it's because I feel something when I go to mass and sing. I feel it to my toes throughout my soul. It sounds corny I know especially from someone who doesn't take everything the church feeds, but it's the feeling of nourishment I guess. There's something magical about St. Thomas More, there truly is. But I'm getting off topic... The singing brings me joy, and singing for God brings me joy, and singing with others brings me joy, and sharing the Eucharist brings me joy!! I'm just full of joy. =) And food after mass is nice too..I mean, food is ALWAYS good, but getting a chance to talk to everyone is what I really love. I feel bad, but I tend to leave those I come and go with to talk to those I only have a chance to talk to there once a week. I was one of the last to leave this week, but it was nice. I felt bad for Devon her leg and foot hurt, and others left early which was sad too, but still it was nice. Then Fridays I have church choir practice. This week Callalily came back and Sunflower came too! I'm so glad, both of them have said that they really enjoy it, which makes me happy cause it gives me someone else to share it with and it's nice to have more people in choir. I told Lynne on Thursday that Sunflower is a music composition and music education major and at practice when she asked him about it she said, "Where have you been?" *smiles* (After practice Callalily, a fellow staff member of hers, Sunflower and I ate dinner at the caf. "Your parents have cancer?" hehe we had a good time despite the quote making it not seem like it.) Then I don't usually go to mass on Saturday night, but I did this week because on Sunday night Lynne didn't want a lot of people coming as she wouldn't be there to direct cause she would be home watching the superbowl with her family and friends. But I had such a nice time I decided if I like the music a lot from now on, I'm going to go to Saturday night and Sunday night mass. =) yay!

This Weekend:
I already mentioned mass on Saturday. Before that Sunflower and I studied in the library for around 3 hours, which is a good thing or I might not have even gotten that done. After mass, Sunflower and I made dinner, it took us a long time to make and we had somewhat of a recipe, but it was supposed to be an experimentation thing and I would say it went rather well. We had a cheesy chicken dish baked in the oven (compiled by hand, not in a box) and a s'mores browny desert that turned into stringy brownies ;) *laughs* We played a card game and watched an episode of Good Eats, which by the way is a good series based on that one episode. Then he fixed my computer and we talked for a loooong time. Which means I didn't even get up until 11/12ish today. I should have done more studying but I didn't. I did get some done over in Sunflower's room before we reheated the food with Daisy today. It was good to see her again, she made natural disasters on my head *laughs* (Sorry that's all the explanation you get!) And then she went back upstairs. Sunflower and I watched the movie Dave during the Superbowl and only saw the last 4 min. WHich was totally fine by me. The Steelers beat the Ospreys (If you don't watch Ellen DeGeneres I'm sorry you won't understand.) which means it was totally wild on campus. Screaming and honking horns everywhere. I'm glad we won, but it depresses me that people get so worked up about games when so many other people are suffering and/or paid a lot less for, in my opinion more important jobs, but I digress. Bad thing is once we made it back to my Residence Hall, we discovered I didn't have my keys and we had to go back for them. (Thank you, Sunflower, for compromising with me.) And now here I am...writing when I should be sleeping for class tomorrow.

To recap, it's been a good week and a good semester, aside from the one quiz in Geo lab which prompted my professor to write at the top, "Let's make this your lowest quiz score shall we?" I had a great weekend, and although I really am looking forward to going home next weekend and seeing the family I'm really really sad I'm going to miss choir...like...you have no idea. It's my salvation for the week. *ponders* perhaps I should reconsider my major? Yeah, that'd make my parents happy. *laughs* but I can't ignore the passion I have for singing can I? Or for church..maybe I should become a nun. I don't think I'm Catholic enough to enter into sisterhood, but ironically, I really could see myself doing something like that. You'd do a lot of organization, (which I'd like to do) charity work, (which would also be fun) I wouldn't have to worry about money too terribly much (which I'd really love) it fits in with my down-to-earth lifestyle...*sighs* What am I doing with my life?? (Please don't mistake this for hopelessness or depression, I'm really hopeful and happy, I just wish I knew where I'd get in life or had even an idea of where I'd like to get.) Well, have a good night everyone!! (Or I suppose at this point..morning. =)